


An Unflattering Reflection

by Dareandwriteit



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angus' parents were pretty not great, At the end I guess?, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I can be as angsty as I want with the twin thing because I'm a triplet, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, It finally came in handy, Post canon, Pre Wonderland, Spoilers for ep 60, Stolen Century Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, Taako can't remember Lup and it kills me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-23 04:36:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10712313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dareandwriteit/pseuds/Dareandwriteit
Summary: Disguise self sometimes shows stuff about other people that they'd rather not think about.





	1. Overthinking it

Disguise self was trickier than Angus expected. He’d been trying and trying on his own, had read every book he could get his hands on about illusion magic. It was a very useful spell for a detective to have, and Angus was embarrassed that he hadn’t figured it out yet.

Taako hadn’t seemed interested. But he never seemed interested. When Angus went to the magic lesson, he was determined to get it right the first time. The cafeteria was empty, and Taako was sat at a table as though he was about to fall asleep. Taako told Angus everything he’d already read, but with twice as many words and half as much clarity. 

Angus did it perfectly. Nothing happened.

“That’s a great bit of ballet there Agnes but you need to chill. You’re overthinking it.”

“But I need to remember all the elements and the conservation of form-”

“Angus. I don’t think about shit. And if Taako from way back before the Bureau could this, you’ll get it.”

Angus didn’t seem sure. He tried again, doing the movements perfectly. Nothing happened again. Taako rolled his eyes, and leaned back in his chair.

“You remember the first thing I told you about magic, boychik?”

“That it makes it easy to steal stuff?”

Taako frowned, but it was only for a second. “No, smart ass. Your wand is a conduit for the magic juice you’ve got bubbling in your dome piece. Same’s true of all the twirling and jibberish. You’ve just got let the magic go where it wants to go. Get out of it’s way.”

“...I’ll try, Sir.” Angus took a deep breath, and tried not to think about it too much. He closed his eyes.

“Picture who you want to be.” Taako said, in a low voice. “Think about what they look like, and how that’s different from you.”

Angus pictured someone. The first person who came to mind. Merle was so different from him, that seemed like a good one to try. Angus thought about the beard streaked with grey and the smell of sandalwood and moss. He felt… strange. Like his thoughts weren’t attached to anything solid. This must have been what the voidfish felt like: intangible and free of sensation.

Angus’ drifting thoughts were interrupted by Taako’s burst of laughter. Angus’ snapped his eyes open, and for a moment felt embarrassed. He was never going to get it right. 

“Never mind Sir, I think I need to work on some cantrips before I’m ready…”

Taako was laughing so hard that he couldn’t breathe, tears rolling down his face. It was humiliating. Angus felt his face going red, and put his hands over his face to hide it. 

It wasn’t his face. The beard was a bit of a giveaway.

“Sir! I did it!”

“Oh gods Angus, don’t talk, you’re going to make me fuckin’ bust a gut.” Taako wheezed between laughs.

“Sorry, sir.” Angus stuttered, before catching himself. He tried to put on a gruff voice and waved his arms dramatically. “I’m going to cast Zone of Truth!”

Taako spasmed so hard with laughter he fell clean out of his chair. Angus ran over, but his concern only seemed to make Taako find it funnier. Taako had a bruise coming up on his arm from the fall, but didn’t seem to notice.

“Sorry, sorry! I just thought I was going to do a disguise so I need to try and do the voice, and I wasn’t sure what to say. Do you want to me to try and heal that?” Angus asked, in his usual voice.

Taako took a few deep breaths, struggling to swallow the rest of his laughter. He got up, and took his seat again. Angus sat next to him.

“Now I _know_ you’re not Merle. I’m fine kid. I’d give you a solid B-.”

“B-?” Angus sounded just a little offended.

“First off, don’t do the voice. Mockingbird gum’s your friend, your squeaky monstrosity of voice ain’t gonna fool anyone.”

“Mockingbird gum.” Angus repeated, in a tone that suggested he was committing it to memory.

“Second, choose someone who fits your shape. We’ve got an Angus amount of clay we gotta use, and Merle _wishes_ he were five foot tall.”

“But I don’t know anyone my age or size.” Angus said. They both ignored the implications of that sentence.

“I thought you were the world’s greatest detective. Get creative. What would they look like if they were your age? That’s the real challenge.”

Angus nodded, deep in thought.

“Give it a go. Show me Magnus as a kid.” Taako crossed his arms, expectantly.

Angus got up, and closed his eyes again. He let his mind wander over Magnus, the faded scar over one eye and faint smell of wood shavings. Thankfully this time Taako didn’t laugh.

“Holy shit. No way Magnus was ever this clean.” Taako said, with a disappointed voice. He took out a mirror from his robe, and handed to Angus.

The face in mirror could have been Magnus, perhaps. This kid had the same nose, and the same gap in his teeth. His hair was longer than Magnus’, with no sideburns to be seen. There were still scars all over his face. 

“I shouldn’t have kept the scars.” Angus said, looking at this new face from several angles.

“Good observation. Balance of probability, Magnus probably didn’t get in a bar fight when he was ten. Or maybe he did. Big guy’s always been rowdy.” Taako said, thoughtfully. “Maybe that’s enough for today.”

“Can I try just one more time?” Angus asked, ignoring his slight faintness from such a taxing spell. He was going to get this right today.

“Come on Ango, you’re cutting into Taako time.”

“Please?”

Taako sighed. “Fine. But I’m going to show you how it’s really done, and then we’re done. Ok?”

They both cast the spell. They both changed. They were both horrified.


	2. Reflecting on the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angus remembers too much. Taako remembers nothing.

Angus saw his dad standing over him. It was undeniable. The same dark freckled complexion, and lean build. He even had the same beginnings of beard and tangle of black curls he had the last time they’d seen each other. And in the moment it took for Angus to realise it wasn’t his dad, he figured out a lot of things.

1\. His dad frightened him. Angus hadn’t been frightened of him back in Neverwinter. Or at least, he didn’t think he’d been frightened. That life was so different now. People asked after him, made sure he was fed. He knew his dad loved him. But his dad didn’t care about him. There were too many things to worry about without being responsible for another person, especially a kid. And the idea of being with him again, sent out on dangerous investigations only to be punished and have the fee stolen, frightened Angus.

2\. Angus had always looked like his dad. He was always going to look like his dad. People had said it before, but they had thought it was a compliment. Here, where nobody knew where he had a dad at all, the comparisons had stopped. It was better.

The man in front of him wasn’t his dad. It wasn’t Taako either. It was himself in a few years.

Another Mister McDonald. Almost indistinguishable from his father, if not for the glasses.

3\. Angus had been scared about his old life being forgotten at first. He was surprised by the thought that he’d been happier with it forgotten. No sneers at the debt of the surname, or assumptions about his temperament. He was better without an origin.

4\. Angus hadn’t thought about growing old. He was already such a grown up, it slipped his mind. It was always in a vague practical way, that some day he’d be old enough to tail people in bars and tall enough to hold his ground.

But there were no guarantees. There wouldn’t always be a bureau, wouldn’t always be clients. How long would it be before he was back in Neverwinter, desperate for a place to stay? When would he take the same steps as his father, squeezing pennies as though they could bleed?

5\. Angus didn’t think he was going to grow old, because he was going to die before he got the chance. The thought seemed wrong because it was so terrible. But Angus realised it wasn’t new. There were no plans for when Angus was a grown up, because he was going to make a mistake before then. He’d been lucky so far, only had a few bruises and scrapes.

But he didn’t kid himself. He worked with dangerous people. He’d seen and investigated so many deaths, for people of every age and every kind. He made the most of the time he had, because there wasn’t much of it.

It wasn’t that he wanted to die. But it would have been easier to not be around.

Angus didn’t want to be here.

* * *

Taako couldn’t look at Angus. Or rather, he could look at Angus, but what he saw didn’t make any sense. 

Taako knew he should see himself as a kid. When he looked at each element on its own, it made sense. The long ears. The slightly oversized nose. A tan, and long unkempt hair. The oversized apron was a nice touch.

Those were the ingredients of kid Taako. As far as Taako knew anyway. Mirrors weren’t exactly a thing you kept around when money was tight. As far caravans were concerned, you could forget keeping something so fragile around.

But there was something about the image that he couldn’t wrap his head around. It was like he was walking up a staircase, and taking another step that wasn’t there.

He knew this person. It was him. But it also wasn’t him.

Looking at Angus made his feel like his head was overflowing with static. There was a name on the tip of his tongue. No, it was more than a name. It was so _much_ , hours and words and tastes and feelings. But he didn’t know what it was. 

It scared the shit out of him.

Taako didn’t want to be here.

* * *

They both turned away, and rushed out of the cafeteria.


	3. Avoiding the Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't avoid each other forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for Stolen Century abound!
> 
> Also this is quite a rushed ending, I just wanted this one wrapped up.

Remembering explained some things. A lot of things. Gods, so many things. Too many things.

Taako didn’t know how he lived before he remembered. Everything was Lup. The way he salted his food. How he took steps two at a time. The reason he pocketed valuables every time no-one was looking.

Taako realised there wasn’t much of him. When you took out Lup… Well, was it any wonder he fucked up everything he’d tried to do on Faerun?

Angus was no exception. At least he knew why now. There was no denying the kid was talented. He’d gotten her perfect. To the point that the Voidfish had gotten in the way, invasive blob that it was.

They hadn’t spoken about the lesson yet. They hadn’t spoken about much since everything had fucked up. Or, when they’d figured out it was fucked up. It had been the whole time. It was weird to think about, like a phantom limb.  
But he couldn’t avoid Angus forever. At least, that’s what he’d thought. Angus was strangely hard to get a hold of. It was almost like he was avoiding Taako too.

Eventually they bumped into each other at the Bureau cafeteria, in the middle of lunch. Angus walked into the room, saw Taako, and immediately rushed out again. 

Well, shit. He was avoiding Taako too. And that pushed it over to insulting. Taako could avoid Angus all he wanted, but there was _no way_ Angus was allowed to avoid him.

Taako followed him out of the room. The kid was nowhere to be seen. That detective shit wasn’t just talk. He was way too good at it. Taako shrugged, and cast blink.

He walked through around ten walls before he finally found Angus, sitting opposite the mirror in his room. His room was uncharacteristic mess. There were empty packs of mockingbird gum all over the place. There were clothes piled everywhere, none of which were remotely Angus’ style. There was an outfit reminscent of Magnus’ feather leather, and a baggy tie dye shirt that screamed of Merle. A robe like Lucretia’s was hung over a chair, with the label still on.

Angus was wearing a dress. Taako had been telling him it was a good look ever since they met, but hey, not everyone was ready for his brand of swanky style. He hadn’t pressed the issue. The dress was red, and was long on Angus. He looked uncomfortable in it, embarrassed even when alone.

Angus threw a piece of gum in his mouth, chewed for a moment. And then he changed.

Taako felt something sharp in his chest as Lup appeared before him. She was ten, and she was dressed up nice to try and hustle some idiots. They’d think she was lost, and give her some cash to get home. Taako typically did the same. They’d had matching outfits, and been so fucking sweet that no-one could say no to them.

Lup looked at her reflection, and jumped as she saw Taako behind her. “Taako!”

“Lulu.” Taako said, thickly.

“Please, I’m not-” It was close to Lup’s voice, but distant enough that Taako didn’t let them finish.

“I’m sorry.” Taako said. He looked at her, and it hurt. He could see his face reflected in the mirror, not like hers at all anymore. The mouth was off. The eyes were dull. The ears seemed lopsided. He was tired. And here she was, just the same as she’d always been. “I left you behind. I couldn’t keep my promise. We goofed. And you should be here.”

Taako moved forward to hold her hand. She stumbled back, knocking the mirror over. Taako came to his senses. He was not in the ethereal plane. He was very much in the living plane, and he had tears running down his face. 

This wasn’t Lup. That panic and sadness was not like her. Taako realised he still had his hand outstretched to hold hers. Taako held tight to the umbrella in his hand instead.

Lup’s image melted, and became Angus once again. His face was smeared with tears.

“Ango, I’m so sorry. I just-” Taako stuttered, struggling to think again.

“It’s ok. You don’t need to tell me anything Sir, everything is fine, it’s just an honest mistake.” Angus was babbling, but his voice still sounded like Taako. He didn’t seem to notice. Taako knelt down on Angus’ level, and wrapped his arms around him.

This made Angus panic more. “I can turn back into Lup if you want but it is very tricky because I don’t know what she looked like, so maybe if you gave me some instruction or...”

“I don’t want Lup,” Taako said. After a moment, “Well, that’s shit. I do want Lup. But you aren’t her Ango. I don’t expect that from you. She could’ve kicked your ass.”

Angus laughed through some tears.

“It’s gonna be hard for me, for quite a while. But for what it’s worth I’m glad you’re you.” Taako said, wiping at his face with the back of his hand.

“But what if things change, and I start doing things wrong-” Angus mumbled.

“Kid, I don’t think I’ve got a single thing right in my life. And I’m still sitting pretty. Someone as smart as you? You’ll knock ‘em dead.”

And the weight of what they exchanged was too much for them. They’d shared something big and painful between them, and the air was lighter for it. But they hated being so functional. Taako snatched the robe that looked like Lucretia’s from the chair and held it over himself.

“Hey, you think I could pull this look off?”

Angus laughed, and set the mirror up again. The reflection was no longer painful.


End file.
